I'D LIKE to have some of what she's having," I said to my boyfriend the other day as I was, yet again, bemoaning my lack of personal funkiness when it comes to dressing.
I spied with my little eye some pictures of Beth Ditto, you see. I lovingly admired her chutzpah, faced as I was with a picture of her with flaming red pixie hair and a black and white dress which looked liked it had come from Mary Poppins' dressing-up box.
Once upon a stone or seven, I used to have a semblance of what is commonly referred to as "having it going on".
This meant, in everyday parlance, that I wasn't afraid of wearing scarves in my hair, polka dotted pom-pom dresses and big wedge, peep-toe shoes.
And before anyone starts to imagine a fat Minnie Mouse but with bigger ears, let me just tell you I sometimes turned heads.
No jokes or sniggering from the back please - nobody ever asked me directions to the fun house, so I assumed I was doing something right.
These days, my fashion sense tends to lack a lack of common sense if you know what I mean.
In my mind I'm still funky, still looking for things to wear which will make me look interesting as opposed to dull in wide legged trousers and black tunics.
But in reality, I fear I've really become rather dull.
I know I should think less and do more, I should accessorise myself stupid and accentuate the positive in bolder ways.
I should, perhaps, dare to bare more, wear skirts, put on a bra that's two sizes too small and bring new life into the spaniel's ears that are now my boobs.
But... but, well, without a stylist, more money, lots of time and ability to use a sewing kit, I fear I may be stuck in this rut.
Beth Ditto, however, wants to change me - and you, if you shop in Evans that is.
My-thigh-sized Kate Moss may have the title as the most successful high street celebrity designer, but Gossip singer Beth could well rival the supermodel and eat her collection for breakfast, dinner and tea.
Rumours have circulated since last year that she was in talks with Evans to create a special line for them. And now it's been confirmed that the collaboration is set to happen.
Sources tell me Beth has been working with Evans' head designer Lisa Marie Peacock to create a collection that should hit the shops in June.
And if Beth's own wardrobe is anything to go by, then this collaboration is sure to be show-stopping, and not for the faint-hearted. It may well turn those fabled heads again, but not for the right reasons.
Beth is famed for her eccentric style, including those figure hugging spangly catsuits that even Kate Moss wouldn't dare to wear, and an array of bold sequin-encrusted dresses.
Word from the Evans camp suggests she's given her style a high-street-friendly make-over, with the collection reportedly including oversized tees and knits, graphic dresses and studded handbags.
But will she help me get my funk back? I'm frankly split on the news.
On the one hand I think it's amazing that big girls are able to dress any way they want.
Conversely, if you're fat and even if you're happy with it, latex corsets and '80s tees with drop waists and crazy patterns aren't exactly extraneous flesh friendly.
There's a lot to be said for being big and being proud of it, and having an inimitable, often outlandish aesthetic as a result.
But for us mere mortals who want to be more than they are but who would need to be knocked over the head with a cricket bat and concussed to think catsuits look great if you're over a size 18, it may be a step too far.
Seeing is believing though - and as ever, I'm opened minded (as well as open mouthed).
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