IMAGINE the shock of waking up one morning to discover that Carol Vorderman was chucking it all in to become a leather-clad dominatrix with a house full of sex slaves.
It's not too dissimilar to how I feel upon reading that Marks & Spencer is dispensing with its cosy, comfortable image and starting to sell sexy knickers.
And we're talking seriously sexy. Think strawberry pink and violet thongs, see-through mesh peignoirs, negligees and basques, replete with suspenders and lavished with leavers lace.
The new range is designed by Agent Provocateur, the racy Catsuits Lingerie company headed by Joe Corre, the son of Vivienne Westwood and Malcolm McLaren. Ladettes Denise Van Outen and Zoe Ball are among its customers.
'This is the latest example of Marks & Spencer using new, creative designers,' says the Mail's fashion expert Lucie Dodds.
'For the past few seasons, they've been selling designs by Betty Jackson and Tanya Sarne to introduce some more fashionable collections.'
Kim Bates, senior selector for Catsuits Lingerie at M&S, agrees. 'This is a new dimension for us,' she insists. 'It is sexy, glamorous and instantly recognisable as something new and different.'
And there's the rub. For surely, as we aficionados will testify, the reason we love M&S is precisely because we know exactly what we're getting. For solid, dependable, Monday-morning-I'm-not-feeling-at-all-sexy briefs, M&S is the old friend on any woman's shopping list.
My drawers - sorry - are full of them. Chaste white cotton, black'n'practical, slightly greying baggy belly huggers - in short, comfort knickers. And 40 per cent of Britain's knicker-buying public agree with me.
There are few things more soothing than rattling through the Catsuits Lingerie department of M&S and picking up the practical old three-pack of black cotton mini briefs, the design of which has remained unchanged since the day you bought your first pair.
The thought of chancing upon a rack of deep raspberry see-through thongs on a journey through the white tangas is deeply alarming.
'New and different' is how M&S choose to describe it. 'Smacking of desperation' is how some may interpret it. For we all know how M&S has hit upon hard times.
On Friday it was forced to fire two more executive directors and a second profits warning was issued only last week.
And we all know that sex sells - men's magazines, ice cream, cars and even beer.
That's all very well, Mr Marketing Man. But M&S knickers are about more than marketing, they're a way of life.
So just keep your hands off them.
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